Loving Fear
by Youko-sama
Summary: SEMIHIATUS Youko Kurama and Shuuichi Minamino each now have separate bodies and live together. However, Kurama is controlling and abusive towards Shuuichi. How long will this last? YKxSM. Contains abuse, violence, mature language.
1. Okaeri Nasai

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

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Chapter 1: "Okaeri Nasai"

The voice continued to drone on. Shuuichi looked at the clock, then at his own watch. He wasn't going to like this…he wasn't going to like this at all…

"Shuuichi? What do you think?"

The red-head snapped his head up and tried hard to conceal the look of utter confusion on his face. "I'm sorry," he began, in his velvety-soft voice, "what was the topic?"

The voice sighed. "What are your thoughts concerning the class project?"

"I think it's a splendid idea," he lied; he had no idea what they were talking about. "Go ahead and start planning it; I'm sure you don't need my help."

The voice started to drone on again. It was only when the screeching of chairs and the movement of the people next to him brought Shuuichi back to sound mind. He checked his watch again: the meeting had taken thirty minutes.

Quickly, he gathered his books and slung the messenger bag on one shoulder. He excused himself as he tried hard to politely push his way through the crowd of class officers, who had decided to socialize at the doorway. He checked his watch again, and quickened his pace. He could only hope that nothing else would slow him down.

He was wrong.

"Oi, Kurama!"

He knew that voice. Lowering his head a little, he tried to walk even faster, without breaking into a run. The voice called out again:  
"Kurama! Wait up!"

Yusuke sprinted slightly to catch up with the red-head. "Ne, Kurama, didn't you hear me?"

Shuuichi's eyes darted towards Yusuke. "Please, Yusuke," he asked, almost begging, "I can't talk now. I have to go home."

One of Yusuke's eyebrows rose. "But…why? Didn't you move out to your own place? You don't have to take care of your mom anymore, right?"

"Please, Yusuke," he begged again, "I have to go home right away. I have to…study."

Something was up; Yusuke could sense it. He decided to press the issue further: "But…finals aren't for another couple of weeks. Why do you need to study this early? It's not like you need to…hey, Kurama, you listening?"

"I'm not Kurama…" Shuuichi muttered.

Yusuke thought he heard it, but he couldn't believe it. "What do you mean?"

The red-head stopped walking and turned to face Yusuke. "I'm not Kurama," he said, staring his friend in the eyes, "I'm Shuuichi." He resumed walking.

A little startled, Yusuke was left slightly behind as he pondered what Shuuichi had just said. He ran a little to catch up again. "Oh, I get it," he said, grinning. "Whenever we're in public, you want me to use your human name, right?"

"Please, Yusuke!" That was the third time he had begged. "This is no laughing matter! I need to get home, _now_, and I'm sorry but you're slowing me down!"

"Kurama, what's wrong?" Yusuke asked, keeping his voice low.

"For the last time," the red-head started, a little panicked, "I'm not Kurama!" He adjusted his messenger bag and ran the rest of the way to the train station.

Yusuke shrugged his shoulders, figuring it was "just one of those days". He turned around and walked back to the arcade, where he was before.

Shuuichi stopped in front of his apartment door, heart pounding furiously. He checked his watch again, and his heart sunk into a pit of fear: he was fifty minutes late, according to _his_ standards.

He took a deep breath, to try and ease his nerves, as he slid his hand into his pants pocket, searching for his keys. As they were pulled out, the hand holding them was shaking, causing them to jingle, their sound carrying throughout the hall.

He aligned the right one with the keyhole, but it took a few tries for it to successfully go in. He paused, almost regretting if he turned the lock. But he turned the key, and the familiar click resounded through his head.

He pulled out the keys and stuffed them quickly into his pocket once more. He grasped the doorknob and tried to turn it; his hand slipped each time, slick with sweat. He wiped his hand on his pant leg, and tried once more. Finding a firm grip this time, he opened it slowly.

"_Tadaima_," he said softly.

Half-way through opening the door, it was abruptly snatched from his hand. A clawed hand reached out and pulled him inside forcefully, and slammed him against the door, closing it.

"Where the hell were you?!" the silver-haired youkai yelled.

Shuuichi lowered his head, in pain and fear. "I was at school…" He was slammed against the door once more.

"Don't give me that shit!"

Tearfully, Shuuichi looked up towards his captor, his eyes wide with fear. "I swear I was! We had a class meeting this afternoon, and I was obliged to go—"

"And you didn't think to tell me?" the youkai growled, his fox ears pressed flat to his head.

"Kurama, I swear, I didn't know about it either! I swear I would've told you if I had known ahead of time!"

"Bull shit!" Kurama snarled as he ripped off Shuuichi's messenger bag and threw it behind him, managing to knock into a side table against the hallway wall and severing the front two legs. The table toppled forward and a vase filled with roses fell to the floor, shattering upon impact.

Kurama raised a fist, causing Shuuichi to flinch, whimpering. However, instead of carrying out his first thought, the youkai slammed his fist with considerable force onto the door next to Shuuichi's head. He pushed against the door and turned around, massaging his temples. "Stay there," he commanded to the crying human, who had slid down and sat against the door, his face buried in his tucked up knees. Sharp, short breaths could be heard coming from the youkai, who tried to suppress his anger.

After the youkai had calmed down some, he looked over his shoulder at his distressed counterpart. He serenely walked over to Shuuichi, and bent down to his level. He flattened the red-head's legs and sat on them, embracing the whimpering human and stroking his hair.

Tears continued to stream down Shuuichi's face, as he shut his eyes to avoid eye-contact with the youkai. Caressing the red-head's face, Kurama leaned closer and licked the crying human's tears.

He pulled back slightly, overlooking the beautiful creature in front of him. He leaned forward once more, and rested his lips upon Shuuichi's. After a while, he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against the red-head's.

"_Okaeri_ _nasai_," he whispered, before pulling back and standing up. He walked towards the kitchen, in effort to make dinner, leaving Shuuichi to himself.

Shuuichi just sat there, his head lowered, staring off into nothing. After a few minutes, he struggled to his feet and walked slowly to the shattered vase. He started to gather up the pieces, almost mindlessly, and putting them into a pile. He next picked up the roses which had managed to scatter themselves around the area. Roses in hand, he stood up and quietly walked to the kitchen area.

He set them onto the counter, as he looked for a spare vase in one of the cabinets. Finding one, he filled it with water from the sink and placed the roses into their new home. He pushed the vase to the back of the counter, against the wall, and proceeded to the supply closet around the corner; words were not exchanged.

He returned from the closet carrying wood glue, two clamps, a hammer, and a container of nails. Not yet extensive in his tool supplies, he gathered all that he could find and assumed that they would work. Silently, he walked back to the broken table, and set his tools down.

Much to his relief, the two frontal legs had been severed cleanly from the top part of the table; everything was whole. He set the table on it's side, and began working on the leg at the top: applying the glue, nailing the leg back to the table, and setting the clamp to keep it still. He would work on the second one later.

Kurama had finished making dinner. He set down the two sitting pillows in front of the Japanese-style table, proceeding to gather the food. "Shuuichi," he called out as he finished setting the table, "dinner is ready. Come over and eat."

Shuuichi stood up from his work and walked over to the table, sitting down. His face still carried the blank look of trauma, but Kurama wouldn't admit to himself that he knew what caused it.

"_Itadakimasu_," Shuuichi said quietly, Kurama following soon after with the same routinely phrase.

They ate in silence.

Shuuichi was the first to finish. "_Gochisou-sama deshita_," he said, putting down his chopsticks. He quickly gathered up his bowls and plates, taking them to the kitchen and loading them into the sink. He walked over to the small wall enclosing part of the kitchen, and rested his arms upon it, waiting for Kurama to finish.

He didn't have to wait much longer. Seeing that the youkai was done, he strode over to the table and knelt down, and started to gather up Kurama's dishes. He shuddered slightly, because he was being watched the entire time. Once he stood up to take the dishes to the sink, preparing to wash them, the silver-haired youkai finally stood up as well, heading towards the couch. He sat down and turned on the television, flipping through the channels to find a show to watch. He found a suitable one, and set down the remote. He then proceeded to rest his arms on top of the back of the couch, midly interested in the current program.

The sound of the flow of water coming from the sink stopped, and Kurama could hear bowls and plates being set on the counter, preparing to dry.

"Ne, Shuuichi," Kurama called out, eyes still focused on the screen, "come over here and watch t.v. with me when you're done."

"I can't," the red-head called back, drying the dishes.

This brought a response from the youkai. He looked over his shoulder and glared. "What do you mean, you can't?" he asked harshly.

Shuuichi didn't feel like facing his aggressor, so he kept his focus on the dish in his hand. "I already said, I can't," he replied, trying hard not to make Kurama any more angry than he seemed "I have homework to do."

There was no response.

"I'll come watch when I'm done."

Kurama held his glare for a little while longer, and, seeing that Shuuichi didn't turn around, he snorted and continued to watch the show. The youkai could hear bowls and plates being put away into the cabinets, then footsteps walking down the hall; his ears twitched with the sound. Shuuichi picked up his messenger bag and slung it onto his shoulder, walking into his room.

The current show ended, and another one began. Kurama growled a little. _He sure as Hell isn't trying to avoid me, is he?_

He was just about to get up to find the little red-head when he heard a door close. He whipped his head around, only to see Shuuichi walking out of his room. Shuuichi glanced up and caught eye-contact with the youkai. He held his messenger bag up slightly, to show he had really been working on homework the entire time. He continued to walk down the hall, Kurama's glaring eyes tracking his every movement. He set his bag down by the door, and started off in the direction of the couch. Once Shuuichi had reached the edge of the couch, Kurama broke his gaze and focused his attention to the show, sliding over towards the arm of the couch further to allow Shuuichi some room.

The red-head sat down next to the youkai, reluctantly. His emotions were telling him to get out of there, now, but his logic knew it'd be easier if he just stayed.

Shuuichi soon realized how tired he was. All the stress from the day had taken a toll on him, and the homework was no help either. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around the youkai's waist and lied down. Warning bells screamed throughout his mind, but he ignored them. He could only trust Kurama now, no matter how difficult that was for him to accept.

Kurama smirked slightly, and he rested a hand on Shuuichi's back. The red-head's body tensed slightly, but he forced himself to relax.

The youkai continued to watch the show, his fingers twirling red locks of hair in his grasp.

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Japanese terms:

_Tadaima_ – "I'm home" (idiomatic expression)

_Okaeri_ _nasai_ – "Welcome home" (idiomatic expression)

_Itadakimasu_ – lit. means "to receive"; is said before meals, can be interpreted as "Bon appetit" (idiomatic expression)

_Gochisousama_ _deshita_ – said after meals, can be interpreted as "it was a good meal", etc. (idiomatic expression)


	2. Itterasshai

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

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Chapter 2: "Itterasshai"

When Shuuichi woke up, the television was still turned on, but he was alone. Groggily, he pushed himself up and sat for a minute or so, staring blankly.

His red locks of hair were a mess, tangled hopelessly. He ran a hand through a section to gauge the damage, only to have to stop halfway as pain shot throughout his head.

Suddenly, he remembered that it was still a school-day, so he glanced at his watch.

His heart sunk: he had only thirty minutes until he left for school; it usually took him an hour on a normal day.

_This is not good _... coursed repeatedly inside his mind.

He practically vaulted himself off of the couch as he ran towards his room, almost tripping over his own feet from rounding a corner too sharply, and almost tipping the couch over as he used it for a balance.

Kurama was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Seeing all this happen out of his peripheral vision, the youkai glanced up, an eyebrow raised, but shrugged it off. He resumed his current task.

Once in his room, Shuuichi stripped off his clothes as fast as he possibly could, tossing them aside. He threw open his closet doors and snatched out a fresh uniform, putting it on almost instantly.

He checked his watch again: twenty-three minutes left. He groaned. Why him?

Frantically, the red-head ran back out of his room and continued down the hall to the bathroom. There, he brushed his teeth and started to try to comb his hair. Key word in this sentence? Try.

It was utterly painful, trying to comb out his hair in its present state. When Kurama called him out of the bathroom to eat, he took the comb with him, struggling with it the entire way.

"Start out at the bottom," Kurama advised as he set the table.

Shuuichi looked at Kurama strangely as he sat down, tugging the comb inch by inch through a lock of hair.

Kurama glanced up and met the gaze of a confused human.

"Your hair," he clarified. "Start out at the bottom and work your way to the top." He added silently: "That goes with anything in this world..." He cleared his throat and refocused his gaze on the plates he was serving. "It's less painful that way and would give your scalp a hell of a break." The youkai sat down.

Shuuichi pulled out the comb and looked it over before setting it aside.

"Itadakimasu," they said in unison before picking up their chopsticks and gathering their food onto their plate.

Shuuichi ate unusually fast, sparking some curiosity within Kurama, but the youkai said nothing about it.

A quick "gochisou-sama deshita" was said, while dishes were gathered and taken to the sink.

The red-head was just about to turn on the water when Kurama interrupted him:

"Shuuichi," he started, gathering his own dishes as well, "you can leave the plates there; I'll do them later."

The younger one paused, unsure, but accepted the offer with a hesitant nod. He walked back to the table to try his luck at taming his hair once more. On the way back to the table, he passed Kurama taking his own things to the sink.

However, instead of washing them himself, the youkai returned to the table and sat down, watching his human-counterpart tackle the task of effectively combing out his hair. He smiled, Shuuichi obviously not getting anywhere.

"Here," Kurama said, reaching across the table to grab Shuuichi's hand, "let me do it. You're clearly not good at this."

Feeling the youkai's touch sent a sharp chill of fear up the red-head's spine, but he ignored it.

"All right," he agreed, handing the comb to Kurama. He stood up and walked the two steps to get around the table and sat down again in front of the silver-haired youkai.

He checked his watch again. Eleven minutes; he had time.

Kurama reached a hand forward, resting it on Shuuichi's face. This action gained a shudder; the kitsune smirked. He stroked his hand back across his captive's cheek, gathering a lock of hair in the process.

The youkai turned out to be very skilled in this task, surprising Shuuichi momentarily. But that was only briefly.

_After all_, Shuuichi thought, _he is hundreds of years old. He's had plenty of practice to brush his hair._

Kurama worked swiftly, but was very gentle. And whether he meant to or not, the fox demon had successfully managed to make the human blush furiously.

This happened for a couple of reasons: not only did it seem that the youkai purposely went out of his way to make an ordinary task feel erotic, but his sudden offer to help confused the shit out of Shuuichi's nerves.

With a few minutes to spare, Kurama had completely untangled Shuuichi's crimson hair.

Shuuichi ran a hand through his hair to test it out; it slicked through with ease. He was instantly grateful to Kurama for offering his services, and actually pulling through in the end. He wasn't comparing this to Youko's past help, but to volunteered help in general. His classmates, for example, were utter disappointments...most of them, at least.

The red-head was just about to stand up and offer his thanks to his demon counterpart, when Kurama reached forward and embraced the teen. A delicately clawed hand outstretched and traced the contour of Shuuichi's face, while the youkai pressed up against Shuuichi's back.

Wrapping an arm around the red-head's shoulders, Kurama grasped a lock of crimson hair and toyed with it in his fingers.

"What beautiful hair you have," he whispered in Shuuichi's hair, before releasing his embrace and standing up to go wash the dishes.

For the second time or so--he was starting to lose count--Kurama had completely confused Shuuichi's mind. At times, the youkai would seem so, caring, while at other times...

He shook the thought out of his head. No matter how Kurama was acting, he told himself, he still had to act with caution. He was starting to learn what and what not to do, but sometimes, Kurama would completely shatter his theories with a surprise reaction to something.

Ever since they separated, he became a completely different person whenever he was angry, but would usually revert back to the one Shuuichi knew personally soon after. It scared him. It seriously scared him.

Even getting up in the middle of the night because he was restless triggered the dark half of Kurama. If he tried, he could convince Kurama to believe him, but by then he would be in tears and entirely at the mercy of the youkai holding him back.

He checked his watch and decided it'd be best if he headed out. He picked up his messenger bag and rest his on his shoulder, checking to see if the keys were still in pocket he put them in yesterday; they were. He sighed, relieved, and put his hand on the door, while, at the same time, another hand latched onto his wrist. He turned around to see a very pissed of Kurama behind him.

"Where...the hell...do you think...you're going?" he asked slowly, which led Shuuichi to believe that he was trying to suppress his anger.

"School," he answered carefully. "You know I have to attend school during the day."

Kurama glared at the red-head. "You don't need school," he said. "Stay home with me."

The grip tightened considerably on Shuuichi's wrist, causing the teen to cry out in pain. "Kurama, please, you're hurting me. Please let me go to school."

The glare sharpened, but Kurama released his hold. He turned around and walked back towards the kitchen, not saying a word.

Following Kurama with his gaze, in case he changed his mind, Shuuichi opened the door and backed out slowly with a quiet "_ittekimasu_", before closing it and running to the train station.

An equally quiet "_itterasshai_" followed.

------------

Japanese terms:

_Ittekimasu_ -- (idiomatic phrase) said when leaving the house for school, work, etc.

_Itterasshai_ -- (idiomatic phrase) said to the person who's leaving the house for school, work, etc. I guess you can interpret it as "take care".


	3. Plans

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

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Chapter 3: "Plans"

By the time Shuuichi had reached the train station he was completely out of breath. His chest throbbed with heat, and he could have sworn that his heart was beating inside his ears. It was strange, though; he never seemed to lose his breath when he and Kurama were one body. It seemed almost every day he discovered a new weakness about himself that came with his own body. It was almost regrettable.

There were a few people staring at him as he tried to catch his breath. This annoyed him a little. Hadn't they ever seen someone run to make the next train?

He had almost missed the train, which had never happened before. He tried to think about the possibilities of his delay, none of which made sense. Because according to his watch earlier, he left on time. He decided to blame the train.

The red-head was brought out of thought as he was pushed aside by commuters trying to get on the train. He figured he should get on as well, before he passed up his chance.

He knew he shouldn't have fallen asleep on the couch last night. Everything that went wrong this morning was directly linked to it.

However, this brought up another question he had failed to notice earlier: how long had he been sleeping on the couch alone? In other words, had he slept in Kurama's embrace the entire night, or had the youkai gotten up after his show ended, leaving Shuuichi to sleep alone? If that was the case, why in God's name didn't he move him to the bed?! Besides waking up with a tangled mass of hair, he had a massive crick in his neck. It still hurt.

He almost missed his stop. His day was starting off horribly. And leave it to fate for his entire day to follow suit.

Despondently he walked the rest of the way to school, lost in thought. He was starting to regret ever leaving the house; he just didn't feel like going. But it was too late now to turn back. And no telling how Kurama might react to his return. Shuuichi decided that he would skip school tomorrow.

_I'm sure Kurama would be more than happy if I called up the school and feigned sickness._

But there was always a risk. Kurama could get used to the idea of Shuuichi staying home. It could be dangerous when Kurama finds out that it's not a permanent deal.

Shuuichi's head was starting to hurt. Maybe he should forget about the whole thing, and just continue going to school, like normal.

His messenger bag started to slip, so he reached up to adjust it again. It hurt to do so, at least with his right hand. He rubbed his wrist, the source of pain. It hurt. Why did it hurt? The answer flooded his mind almost instantly.

_That's right, _he remembered, _Kurama did this._

The adjusted the bag instead with his left hand, then walked into the school. It surprised him a little to see that he had arrived already. It was like his feet had carried him there automatically.

His route was starting to become boring.

The school as he walked in was full of life. Apparently, he had gotten there later than he had first planned...or thought, for that matter.

The red-head walked inside his classroom and sat down at his desk, sighing. He had to resist the urge to lay his head down. He became lost in thought once more.

Kaitou was the next to walk in the classroom. He noticed Shuuichi, but Shuuichi didn't notice him. He walked over to the desk next to the red-head's and sat down, placing his books out in front of him.

A friendly "good morning" snapped Shuuichi out of his daze. He groggily looked in the direction from which the greeting came from, and saw Kaitou smiling. A little delayed on his part, the red-head plastered on a smile as well and returned the "good morning" with one of his own.

Kaitou could clearly see the condition Shuuichi was in now: the red-head's face looked extrememly deprived of sleep, and the fake smile was wavering. It soon was dropped.

A little concerned, Kaitou asked of his friend, "Are you feeling all right?"

The fake smile bounced back, with a nod of Shuuichi's face. "Of course," was the reply.

That was the last thing Kaitou heard of Shuuichi for most of the day.

Shuuichi dived into his mind once more, to ponder various things. It was much better than paying attention to the teacher.

_Maybe it would just be better if I never went home,_ he thought. _If I take another train, I could possibly be in the next city over by the time Kurama expects me home. Possibly another by the time Kurama starts to get pissed._

_Maybe I could bypass this all and quickly catch a plane. Or a boat. No, a plane's faster._

_At this time, I can only stay in Japan, but if I go far enough away, it could buy me time to get a passport out of this country._

_He'd never believe that I would leave Japan. Let alone to a country where they don't speak Japanese. Or even a non-English speaking country for that matter._

_Although, I could go to Brazil._ _I've heard they have the largest Japanese population in the world, outside of Japan. That would be much easier to accept. I could even pick up some Portuguese if I want._

"Minamino-kun?"

Shuuichi's focus snapped out of his thinking. He glanced up slowly to see the teacher in front of him, the rest of the class looking in his direction.

Shuuichi's face grew hot with embarrassment. "Yes?"

The teacher sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temples disappointedly. "This isn't like you, Minamino-kun. You're usually so diligent in your studies. Is something wrong?" He put back on his glasses and waited for an answer.

_Yes, something's wrong, but you'd never believe me._

"I'm sorry," the red-head apologized, "but I haven't been feeling well."

The teacher's expression softened. "Would you like to go to the nurse?"  
_Yes, anything to get me out of class._

Shuuichi nodded his head in compliance, and gathered his books together. He then headed towards the door.

"_Shitsure-shimashita_," he said softly, slightly bowing, before walking out the door.

"Well, Minamino-kun, there doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with you," the nurse said. She continued. "Are you eating well?"

Shuuichi nodded. "Very well," he said.

"How about your sleeping habits? You seem exhausted today."

"Well I did sleep on the couch last night..."

"Why? Don't you have a bed?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you sleep there?"

"The couch is where I fell asleep."

The nurse sighed in understanding. "Well, would you like to go home to rest up? It must be hard on your studies not being able to pay attention in class because you're sleep deprived..."

Shuuichi smiled. "Yes, I would like that very much. Thank you."

The nurse smiled back. "Then I will tell the teacher that you left early under my permission. I'm sure he'll send one of your classmates to give you your classwork and homework that you missed."

"Thank you again."

Shuuichi gathered his belongings and walked out of the nurse's office towards the main doors.

_Thank God. I might be able to get away with my plan after all. I have a few hours to think it over, at least._

He walked out into the courtyard, passing the school gates.

"Hello, Shuuichi."

The red-head stopped, and turned around.

It was Kurama.

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Japanese terms:

_shitsure-shimashita_ – (idiomatic phrase) Lit. I/it/etc. was rude. Is used generally for "excuse me" or "sorry". In this context, you say it when leaving someone's presence, as in, "Please excuse me for being rude by leaving your presence." It's a strange phrase to explain...


	4. Abrupt Kindness

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

Chapter 4: "Abrupt Kindness"

"Hello, Shuuichi."

Shuuichi stopped walking and turned around.

It was Kurama.

He was leaning up against the wall surrounding the school, crossing his arms. He was entirely clad in black, despite the warm weather. Although, it did happen to contrast nicely with his silver hair. He wore a baseball cap turned backwards on his head, the furry tips of his ears poking out just barely beneath the brim. However, it was nothing noticable.

He was also wearing an extremely long trench coat, one that buckles in the front. But the buckles were undone, so it hung loosely, exposing his shirt and pants underneath. Well, more or less half of a shirt: it was a fishnet tank, which Shuuichi could only guess showed off his defined arms very well if he were to take off the coat. Lower down were tight, leather pants that disappeared into calf-height boots. A silver pendant hung around his neck; the symbol seemed familiar. Television had definitely gotten the best of Kurama; he looked like a J-rocker.

He looked completely different, and the only way Shuuichi could tell it was him were those eyes...those piercing, golden eyes. He's seen them furious too many times; he shuddered slightly.

Although Shuuichi was very curious to where Kurama got all these clothes, a more pressing question was longing to come out. Shuuichi took a deep breath and watched Kurama's movements carefully as he asked:

"What are you doing here?"

Kurama looked at the redhead and shifted his weight. Shuuichi could swear that the youkai was glaring. "I could ask you the same question."

_That's right_, Shuuichi remembered, _it's a full two hours before I normally leave school._

"The nurse sent me home," he explained. Shuuichi started to grow nervous. What if Kurama didn't believe him?

Kurama looked over the human carefully, searching for any hint of dishonesty on his face. Shuuichi lowered his head slightly, keeping his gaze locked with Kurama through his bangs. He gripped his messenger bag's strap protectively, his breathing becoming fairly erratic out of fear.

"Why did you go to the nurse?"

Shuuichi couldn't tell whether or not Kurama had believed his last statement. It was possible he was still checking his story out.

"The teacher sent me there."

"What made him do that?"  
The redhead's heart rate was continuously speeding up, and sweat was starting to form on his brow; it had already drenched his hands. He felt like he was being interrogated. He hated this feeling. He wanted it to end. Why couldn't Kurama just trust his word? Maybe he should tell him the whole story, so there would be nothing left to ask.

"He said I didn't look well," Shuuichi said, trying his best not to make it seem like it was his entire fault. "He suggested that I go to the nurse, and I agreed, not wanting to be impolite."

He couldn't keep this up much longer, his locked gaze with Kurama. He lowered his eyes slightly to focus on the pendant Kurama wore. "She also said that I didn't look well, so she offered—rather, she _sent_—me home. She said that she would tell the teacher I left, so that he could send someone over with the make-up work." He glanced back up to meet Kurama's gaze, hoping not to appear rude by breaking the gaze earlier. Making the youkai angry was one of the _last_ things he wanted to do. And Kurama still hadn't answered his question.

However, Kurama wasn't looking at Shuuichi anymore. His gaze was off to the side, seemingly watching a young couple walking together and laughing with each other. The couple crossed the street, and headed into a store.

"I was bored," he said abruptly. His eyes glanced over to Shuuichi.

The redhead was a little caught off-guard by Kurama's statement, not really understanding where it was coming from. Confusion was written all over his face, although he tried his best to hide it.

Kurama sighed and adjusted his weight once more, turning so that he was completely facing Shuuichi. "The reason I'm here," he clarified. "I was bored." He looked over Shuuichi once more. "You were one of the last people I expected to see."

Shuuichi's grip on his messenger bag loosened. He assumed that his story had been checked out as being truthful, considering Kurama didn't lash out. He breathed a small sigh of relief. However, he failed to realize that Kurama had walked up in front of him, and only did he realize it when the youkai pulled his right hand into his own and gently rubbed the wrist with his thumb.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you this morning," he said softly.

Shuuichi's focus snapped up to Kurama in shock. Did he just apologize?! It must be some sick joke. But then again, Kurama was still tending to his wrist.

Shuuichi could only stand there. This was a little strange—then again, wasn't any act of kindness from the youkai strange?—but he certainly wasn't welcoming any abuse.

After a few minutes of standing in silence, Kurama let go of Shuuichi's wrist. He started to walk down the sidewalk, abruptly leading Shuuichi by the crook of his arm.

"Where are we going Kurama? Home?"

The youkai shook his head. "I'm starting to get hungry, so I figured we could get something to eat."

He looked over his shoulder at the redhead, who was still struggling to catch up. He stopped walking momentarily so that Shuuichi could pull alongside. They started walking again.

"And you haven't had any lunch either, am I correct?"

Shuuichi nodded his head.

"Good."

They got a few stares; Shuuichi was the only one who noticed. He didn't know, however, whether it was because they were both male, or because Kurama was so tall. Maybe it was both; maybe it was because of Kurama's silver hair. Maybe it was because of _his_ long red hair. Maybe it was something entirely different.

He was thinking too much; his head started to throb.

A sudden thought popped into Shuuichi's mind: what if someone they knew saw them? And they were nearing the arcade; maybe they shouldn't have taken this street.

Shuuichi tugged on Kurama's sleeve, making the youkai stop to look at him. "I think we should cross the street," the redhead suggested. "The arcade is up there"—he pointed to the building—"and who knows if Urameshi-kun is skipping school today. I think it's best he not find out this way."

Kurama nodded his head in agreement. After the street cleared, they crossed and resumed their route on the other side. They passed a couple of fast food places, but apparently none of them captured Kurama's interest. Since it _was_ the youkai's idea, Shuuichi figured that he should just go along with whatever Kurama chose.

Shuuichi paid no attention to where they were going; he just allowed himself to be lead by Kurama's guiding hand. He liked this feeling, this feeling of security that he received from the youkai. It was much more of a relief than being yelled at.

After what seemed an eternity of walking around, Kurama finally decided on where to eat. He stopped in front of the place and gently shook Shuuichi out of his daze.

The redhead looked up at the sign to the place and raised an eyebrow. He turned to Kurama.

"Are you serious?"


	5. Wings

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

Chapter 5: "Wings"

Shuuichi looked at his demon counterpart strangely. "Are you serious?" he repeated.  
The redhead glanced back up at the sign above them, making sure that he wasn't imagining things. He wasn't. The sign clearly read:

"Kentucky Fried Chicken".

Kurama smirked. "Of course I am," he said, grabbing ahold of Shuuichi's arm, dragging him inside. "Now come along."

They stepped to the back of line and waited for their turn.

"I wouldn't think that the famous thief of Makai would take an interest into such a human place like this..." Shuuichi muttered.

"Ah, but that was _before_ the famous thief of Makai—as you so beautifully put it—was introduced to chicken wings." He grinned as their turn was next.

"Chicken wings? Your whole point-of-view of the human world was changed because of _chicken wings_?"

Kurama looked at Shuuichi, completely oblivious to why the redhead was so surprised. "Yes. Why is that so hard to understand?"

"I...it-it's just...I don't—"

"May I help you?" the cashier smiled.

"Yes," Kurama said, and then proceeded to order a meal.

The redhead next to him just stood there, dumbfounded at the whole ordeal.

Kurama nudged Shuuichi. "Ne, Shuu-chan, what do you want to eat?"

"**_Shuu-chan"?!?!_** _Since when did he give him a pet name?!?!?!?!_

Shuuichi looked at Kurama with disbelieving eyes. Did he just hear what he thought he heard?

He put a hand to his temple and looked away, his gaze wandering aimlessly. "I've got to sit down," he droned, as he walked slowly to a nearby table.  
"Just...just get me a salad or something," he said, remembering Kurama's question. He sat down and rested the side of his head in his hands.

This was just...just too..._surreal_. What was going on?

He was letting his guard down too much. His mind knew that he wasn't supposed this much at ease around the youkai, but his body wouldn't respond. It couldn't, not with the sudden kindness that Kurama had shown him that afternoon.

The ongoing battle between nerve and mind was taking a toll on Shuuichi, leaving him confused and disoriented. And it wouldn't stop until he sided with one of the two.

On one hand, he could let his body relax around Kurama, and have a fun time. But what if it was some cruel plot? What if Kurama was doing this on purpose, so that when Shuuichi completely trusted him, he would have no problem shattering his spirit?

But on the other hand, he could stay suspicious, so that he wouldn't be caught off-guard by anything unexpected. But what if Kurama was truly being nice? Staying suspicious would show his distrust from the youkai, which might offend him.

The decision was taxing on both his mind and nerves. Which one should he choose to follow? Either way, in the worst-case scenario, he might end up being beaten again.

He finally took a plunge into the unknown and decided that he would follow his body: he decided to relax.

It seemed almost immediately that he made his choice of action, Kurama sat down across from him, setting the tray inbetween them.

"I didn't know what drink to get you"—wait, did Kurama seem almost apologetic...again?!—"so I just got you water."

"That's all right," the redhead said, gathering his food and starting to eat. He saw Kurama open up his carton of food as well, so he asked:

"What'd you get?"

Kurama shrugged his shoulders. "Some 8-piece meal."

"No endless 'bucket of wings'?"

The youkai shook his head. "Nah. That costs nearly 1500 yen. Too expensive, when I can just go steal a chicken myself for free." He grinned.

Shuuichi looked at Kurama dully. "Once a thief, always a thief, ne?"

"Of course. ...How's your...salad...thing?"

"I've had better. But then again, I don't really eat out at fast food places."

They ate in silence for a little while longer.

"So how'd you come to know about this place anyway?" Shuuichi suddenly asked out of curiosity.

"I have my resources."

"...You watch television all day, don't you?"

"Not all day."

"...So why are you being so nice to me?"

_Shit! That wasn't supposed to come out!_

Kurama stopped eating to look over Shuuichi strangely. Was that anger flickering behind his eyes? "What do you mean by that?"

The redhead realized his mistake immediately and tried to play it off as an innocent question. "I just mean," he began carefully, "that you've never take me out anywhere to eat before. What made today so different?"

Kurama looked Shuuichi over once more before he resumed eating. "You were out, I was out, we happened to meet up, and I was hungry, so I took you along. Is there a need to question that?"

Shuuichi shook his head submissively. "No..."

"Good. Now I'm done, and I assume that you're done, so let's leave."

"_Hai_" the redhead muttered before picking up his trash and throwing it away.

----------------

Japanese terms:

_hai_ – "yes"


	6. Rememberings

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

Chapter 6: "Rememberings"

(AN: This chapter deals with some details of the abusive relationship directed from Kurama to Shuuichi. Just a heads up.)

After they ate lunch, Kurama decided it was time to go on home.

Shuuichi knew he had screwed up at lunch, and wasn't about to make Kurama even more pissed than he appeared. Before, he never had to worry about making the youkai mad when they were sharing the same body. In fact, he was so much more caring when they were one than when they separated.

Why did they separate in the first place? Now, ever since Kurama gained his own body back, Shuuichi's had to take extra cautions around him.

Was he always this controlling when he inhabited Shuuichi's mind? The redhead couldn't remember any time when the youkai had been anything other than loving and protective. Maybe it was because if he got mad at the human, he couldn't do anything about it.

That afternoon was strange. Actually, it was more than strange. It was downright bizarre. First Kurama actually apologizing--where did that come from anyway?--then him treating Shuuichi to lunch...not to mention calling him "Shuu-chan". That was a little creepy, if not completely shocking. He thought that he had been called it once before, but he couldn't remember where...

Shuuichi walked acquiescently to the side and a little behind Kurama the entire way to the closest train station. Most of the schools had just let out, so the station was exceedingly crowded. Kurama kept a firm grip on Shuuichi's wrist (the other one) the entire time, either to prevent separation or running away.

They were lucky enough to find a space to sit down while on the _densha_, although it was cramped. Shuuichi's calm disposition earlier was gone now, replaced with the familiar one of fear.

Shuuichi stared at his messenger bag--which was resting on his lap--the entirety of the ride home. Words were neither spoken to him nor from him. He hoped to God that no one recognized him. He would have hell of a time explaining who he was sitting next to. Well, normal classmates he could manage, but suppose Yuusuke, or even Kaitou, saw him. They would eventually figure the situation out, and he would most likely be the one to be beaten later for it.

He shuddered at the thought. Kurama had, in the past, physically abused him before, but nothing life-threatening. He always hated to go back to school the next day. Not only was he not in the right frame of mind for it, but if there were any cuts or bruises on his face, he'd have to explain it.  
The nurse was starting to know him well.

Today was not the first day he had toyed with the thought of running away. He had actually tried once before, but he made a slight miscalculation, and was hunted down quickly by Kurama. He was dragged home, and beaten. His body hurt so much in the aftermath that he didn't go to school for the next couple of days.

The part that most terrified Shuuichi was _after_ he was beaten, because he was fully at the mercy of Kurama. Well, in most normal situations he was too, but these certain points of time were different. At least regularly, he could somewhat defend himself (although he'd most likely be _killed_ if he tried to take on the offensive), but if he was abused, all hope of defense was lost.

His body would cry out in pain, because of the places that Kurama would tend to focus his attack on--his head, legs, chest, back, etc.--and he could only lie wherever Kurama placed him...or left him.

After the incident where he ran away, not only could he not go to school because he had injuries, he was bedridden _because_ of the injuries. Kurama came in and nursed his wounds, acting like he never did it. He fed Shuuichi himself, which, in a sense, showed his concern, but the act was more frightening to Shuuichi than helpful.

During those two days, he only left his room to go to the bathroom, via Kurama's help. It was embarrassing, but at least Kurama took notice of Shuuichi's needs.

Thinking of **the** incident brought back the variety of emotions that Shuuichi had felt that day: exhilaration, fear, fatigue, and eventually, extreme pain.

If he was going to attempt another escape anytime soon, he knew that he had to go over what happened again...and again...and again...

_Shuuichi ran down the street as hard as he could, his chest burning with every intake of air, his legs starting to fail underneath him. Yet he kept running, never ceasing._

_Sweat poured down his face, grabbing strands of hair and soaking them in the salty mixture._

_He couldn't stop. Not now he couldn't._

_Fear tugged desperately at his mind, screaming, _"What are you doing?!"

_He started to laugh a little. He didn't know. He really didn't know._

_His common sense told him that he was escaping. Escaping? Escaping what? His fear of Kurama or his fear of himself?_

_The sun was setting quickly, and Shuuichi still had no destination. He was just running. Running for the sake of hope._

_His hope was soon shattered as he was tackled down to the ground from a figure above. The force of the impact sent the two bodies scraping down the street, gravel cutting away at the younger one's face and blacking out his vision._

_The redhead cried out in pain and fear as he realized what was happening. The figure on top of him pressed down Shuuichi's arms hard into the ground, and sat on top of his back. Then he started to laugh._

"_Where do you think you were going, my pet?" Kurama whispered into the shaking boy's ear._

_Shuuichi whimpered as the voice coursed through his head. He didn't have to see the youkai to know who it was._

_He was starting to lose consciousness. Kurama somehow knew this, so he wrapped a fistful of red hair into his hand, sharply pulling up the boy's head. Shuuichi winced in pain as he struggled to stay out of the darkness._

"_You have to stay awake, _Shuu-chan"--That was it! That's where it came from!--_Kurama whispered. "When you receive your punishment, I want you to remember it, to make sure that you **never** disobey me again."_

_And then he blacked-out._

_He groggily awoke to various sounds in the distance, and tried to open his eyes. He saw nothing._

What's going on? _his mind frantically asked._

_He tried to move his hands to maybe help his eyes regain sight by rubbing them, but they couldn't move either. He then tried to speak, but his mouth was gagged. His eyes were blindfolded, his limbs bound, and he was lying on the floor._

_He heard someone come into the room--he assumed it was one--and pause. "_Ara_...it seems you've woken up, Shuuichi. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to follow through with your discipline."_

_Kurama walked closer to the redhead and knelt down, smoothing away stray strands of hair. The boy shuddered and beads of tears flowed down his face._

_The youkai shook his head and wiped them away. "Now now, those won't do, Shuuichi. They don't flatter your character. You'll have plenty of time to cry later on."_

----------------

Japanese terms:

_densha_ -- means "electric train"; more or less like the metro

_ara_ -- "well, well..." mostly used by women, but here it seemed to fit


	7. Close Call

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

"_Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh." --1 Peter, 2:18_

Chapter 7: "Close Calls"

"Shuuichi...Shuuichi!" a voice said strongly.

The fox demon shook the redhead's shoulder in an effort to wake him up.

Shuuichi's eyes snapped open, and he turned to Kurama. A shiver ran up his spine. Seeing the youkai's face immediately after he dreamt of "the incident" wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"It's our stop," Kurama informed him, as he stood up, Shuuichi's wrist still in the youkai's hand; Kurama jerked it slightly. "Come along."

Shuuichi grabbed his messenger bag and slung it onto his free shoulder, following Kurama out of the train doors and onto the platform.

It was still rush hour, so the station was very congested. Kurama weaved his way in-and-out of crowds of people, keeping his grip on Shuuichi's wrist strong, but not painfully so. Kurama, as usual, paid no attention to other commuters, and generally pushed them out of the way. It seemed that Shuuichi had to apologize for not only himself, but also on the youkai's behalf. He kept doing so until Kurama shot a sharp glance to Shuuichi to stop, as if he didn't want any more attention to be focused on the two anymore than needed.

Kurama's grip on the redhead's wrist tightened, and, after looking around, Shuuichi could understand why. More and more people seemed to fill the cramped station by the second, and it was becoming harder for Kurama to lead the redhead through the crowd.

Shuuichi couldn't even tell where they were going anymore; he only hoped that Kurama knew the way out of the station. Abruptly, Shuuichi tripped and fell, unintentionally yanking his wrist out of Kurama's grasp. Hordes of people passed by the redhead, knocking into him repeatedly and making it hard for him to stand.

Kurama instantly knew what happened, and made a guttural growl. He spun back around and scanned the crowd around him for any sign of Shuuichi. A speck of red hair caught his attention, and he made his way against the flow of traffic to where the crouching redhead was. He held onto his hat with one hand--to prevent anything unfortunate--and bent down, extending out his hand.

Shuuichi looked up from his defensive position and saw the outreached hand, and immediately grabbed it. He was sharply pulled up, the force of the pull sending him into Kurama's chest. The youkai wrapped an arm protectively around the boy and held him close to his chest as he turned around to get out of there as fast as they possibly could. Shuuichi's face flushed a bright crimson. How awkward this might have looked to passer-bys. He hoped to God that no one recognized him now.

After what seemed like an eternity, they made their way out of the busy station and into the open streets, where Kurama promptly leaded Shuuichi home. The redhead nervously looked around, hoping that no one he knew happened to see him. And if they _did_ happen to see him, that they wouldn't know who he was. However, he didn't find the latter possibility very probable. With fire-red hair like his own, he could be recognized from a distance off. Out of all the combinations, he was the stuck with the recessive genes of a pure redhead. Curses.

With the youkai leading the two, it took almost no time at all to reach the apartment that they stayed in. Shuuichi started to fish out a key, but Kurama had already opened the door.

"You didn't lock it?!" Shuuichi asked, panic apparent in his voice.

Kurama glanced back at the redhead with a simple look. "No..."

"But...but what if someone had broken in?!"  
Kurama pushed open the door farther, to give Shuuichi a look at the inside of the house. "But they didn't, now did they?"

"No, but--"

"Then it's all right. Come on inside."

Shuuichi stood in his place and sighed, before walking inside the door. He closed it behind him, and took off his shoes, placing them neatly against the wall. He slid off his messenger bag as well, and set it down next to his shoes. If the person sent to give him his make-up work was coming, they had better come soon.

No sooner had he set his bag down, and remembered the homework, did the doorbell rang. He looked over his shoulder towards Kurama, who, a little peeved, shrugged his shoulders and went inside their bedroom, probably to change.

"Don't let them in," he growled before closing the door behind him.

Shuuichi opened the door slightly, and peered outside. Who he saw was definitely not someone he had expected.

"Oi, Kurama!" Yusuke cheerfully cried, holding up the make-up work. Inside the bedroom, the youkai's ears flattened a little out of annoyance.

_Not him..._ Kurama thought unenthusiastically.

"Kaitou passed me on the way home, and asked me to deliver this to you!" Yusuke continued, grinning, as held out the folder. Shuuichi took it, a little reluctant.

Yusuke poked his head in through the door, much to the hard efforts of Shuuichi trying _not_ to let him in.

The teen let out a slow whistle. "Nice place you got here, Kurama. We gotta have a party here sometime."

"I'd...rather not."

Yusuke looked at the redhead a little funny. "Well, that's always like you, I guess. You've probably never been to a party yourself, have you?"

"No, I haven't, and I don't plan to."

Yusuke retracted his head from the doorway and stood up straighter, resting a hand on his hip. "So what was wrong with you today? Why'd you get sent home early?" He thought for a moment, and then grinned again. "You didn't cause any _disruptive_ behavior, did you?" He put a hand on Shuuichi's shoulder. "You're growing up so fast," he said with closed eyes, teasingly, faking a sniffle.  
Shuuichi removed Yusuke's hand from his shoulder and growled softly and lowly, so that Yusuke couldn't hear it.

"I did not skip, if that's what you're thinking. I didn't feel well, so the nurse sent me home."  
Yusuke opened one eye. "So you're really sick? You didn't just, fake it, did you?"

The redhead sighed exasperatedly. "No, I didn't. Thank you for delivering my homework. Goodbye," he said, starting to close the door.

"_M-matte_, Kurama," Yusuke sputtered out, holding the door open. He gave a serious look to his friend as he said, "Are you sure that you're all right? I mean, you haven't been yourself lately, considering how you've been acting since yesterday, at the least."

"I'm fine, Yusuke. Thank you for worrying." And with that, Shuuichi closed the door.

The redhead turned around to see Kurama leaning in the bedroom door's frame.

"So what was the deal with 'yesterday'?" the youkai asked coldly.

Shuuichi didn't answer until he stopped in front of the bedroom entrance, waiting for Kurama to move. "He was interfering with my route home, so I told him to leave me be. Nothing more."

Kurama looked over the human skeptically, but stepped to the side to allow Shuuichi passage. The redhead went over to the desk and sat down, turning on the table lamp. He emptied out the contents of the folder and looked over the materials.

He had only missed out on three subjects: science, math, and English. The science and math wouldn't take him long, but the English assignments were becoming harder day-by-day. He sighed. He wished he could have a private tutor, perhaps even an English-speaking pen pal, but he knew Kurama would never succumb to that idea. Kurama didn't like anything that might reveal their secret. Not even to the Rekai Tantei team. _He_ would tell them when _he_ was ready. No sooner, no later.

He picked up his pen, and started on the science work. It was fairly easy, and should've taken him a rather short time, but Kurama's presence in the room flustered his nerves. Especially so since he was standing right next to the desk, looking over Shuuichi's work, ears perked out of curiosity of the human sciences.

But then he sensed Shuuichi's uneasiness. His ears flattened slightly as he said, a little annoyed, "Is my company bothering you?"

The redhead looked up to meet the gaze of the youkai, and shook his head nervously. "No," he said, "not at all."

Kurama looked over the human with a glare. "Then why do you shudder whenever I'm around?"

Shuuichi smiled weakly. "This separation is still a little strange to me. I'm still not used to it completely yet."

Kurama snorted. He knew that wasn't the only reason; the boy was hiding other feelings. He would drag them out later.

The youkai suddenly felt another presence outside, so he poked his head out of the bedroom glancing down the hall.

"Shit," he said, as he stepped back into the room and grabbed Shuuichi by his arm, pulling him out of the chair and towards the closet.

"Ku-Kurama, _nani o shittemasu ka?_" Shuuichi stammered as he was yanked out of the chair, his pencil dropping to the ground.

"Get in, and be quiet," Kurama growled. He opened the closet door and pushed the redhead inside, slamming the door behind him. He ran out into the hallway and opened the front door, looking down to meet the fire demon's gaze.

"Hello Hiei," he said with a smirk on his face. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. "What brings you to my humble abode?"

"Shut it, fox," the fire demon snapped. "I only came because I sensed something odd coming from this house."

"Oh, really now," Kurama said, "and what might that be?"

"Don't play innocent. What the hell is going on? I sensed both your youkai and your human presence at the same time. Care to explain?"

Kurama let out a short laugh. "Don't be so naïve, Hiei. We both know that's not even possible. You must've sensed it when I was changing from one form to the other."

Hiei snorted. "You don't really believe me to be that susceptible to your lies, do you?"

Kurama glared at the smaller demon as he pushed away from the doorframe, standing up straight. "I'm sorry Hiei, but my human side has homework to do. _Ja_."

Hiei stood there unflinching even as the door slammed in his face.

"Hn."

And in a flash, he was gone.

----------------

Japanese terms:

matte -- command form of "to wait", meaning "Wait!"

nani o shittemasu ka? -- "What are you doing/what's going on/etc."

ja -- "well, well then"; shortened phrase of "ja mata ne", which is used to say "see you later!" in Japanese (lit. "well, again, ok?")


	8. Silverstemmed Rose

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

"_I think I'm drowning_

_asphyxiated_

_I wanna break this spell_

_that_ _you've created_

_You're_ _something beautiful_

_a_ _contradiction_

_I wanna play the game_

_I_ _want the friction_

_You will be the death of me_

_You will be the death of me_

_Bury it_

_I won't let you bury it_

_I won't let you smother it_

_I won't let you murder it_

_Our time is running out_

_our_ _time is running out_

_you_ _can't push it underground_

_you_ _can't stop it screaming out_

_how_ _did it come to this_

_I_ _wanted freedom_

_bound_ _and restricted_

_I_ _tried to give you up_

_but_ _I'm addicted_

_Now that you know I'm trapped_

_sense_ _of elation_

_you'd_ _never dream of_

_breaking_ _this fixation_

_You will squeeze the life out of me_

_Bury it_

_I won't let you bury it_

_I won't let you smother it_

_I won't let you murder it_

_Our time is running out_

_our_ _time is running out_

_you_ _can't push it underground_

_you_ _can't stop it screaming out_

_how_ _did it come to this..."_

_-"Time is Running Out" by Muse_

Chapter 8: "Silver-stemmed Rose"

The entire apartment shook with the force of the door slamming shut, causing the hallway mirror to fall from its hanging place upon the wall, shattering upon impact.

Shuuichi cringed from inside the closet, as he could only wonder who had visited and what was said. It was apparently someone Kurama knew--the redhead would hope--otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered to answer the door himself.

Shuuichi sighed. He knew one of two things would now happen: either he would become forgotten in the midst of Kurama's seething anger--it was hard not to notice the flailing aura flooding the apartment--and left to sleep in the closet quietly, or he would be remembered and let out...sooner or later. If the latter happened, the redhead also knew what two things could happen: either Kurama would control his anger or he couldn't, most likely then taking it out on Shuuichi.

The redhead adjusted his seating slightly, trying to make the best out of the cramped space he was now in. When he was first thrust into the closet, he had crouched, but he had eventually made it so that he was completely sitting down. It was now much less comfortable than it had first been.

He tried outstretching his leg to gauge how much room he had. This measurement was vital if he wanted to lie down on his side anytime soon. He could extend his knee almost halfway, but it wasn't nearly enough. He groaned, annoyed.

Figuring that he had to deal with his predicament the best way that he knew how, he brought his knees close to his chest and hugged them tightly, resting his head upon them. Letting his mind wander, it soon came upon his first idea of staying home the next day. He nodded his head, almost as if he agreed with himself, and supposed that it would be best. Especially if he couldn't leave the closet until morning. He would need time to catch up on his sleep, and to relieve any sore muscles as a result of his uncomfortable sleeping position.

He dare not get out himself. Not that it was hard to do--after all, he merely had to slide the door open--but the look Kurama gave him as he shut the door was one that practically seemed to command that he stayed there. At least until Kurama came to let him out.

His mind wandered once more, and it wasn't long until it also came upon his plan of escape. Shuuichi slightly laughed at himself for even thinking it was possible. But then again...

He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. How they tempted him so! Hot tears started to fill his eyes. He felt as though he was betraying Kurama. You're not betraying him! You're freeing yourself from all the pain! his logic shouted. But his heart argued otherwise. How can you say that? He's always been there for us! The least we should do is be there for him!

Shuuichi put his hands to the side of his head and tried to shake away the unwanted thoughts. Truth in both sides made his head pound with confusion, and allowed the tears to break free. He buried his face in his knees.

"What should I do?!" he sobbed violently, choking on his tears as he tried to breathe.

He cried in silence for a long while before he finally fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Kurama was fuming in the kitchen as he tore off a piece of bread and ate it.

"What do I have to do in order to keep a secret a god-damn secret?!" he snarled. "Inari-sama...you would think that they have something better to do than to snoop around in business that's not theirs..."

As quickly as he started on the bread he finished it. Realizing this, he temporarily broke out of his rant to pull a tray of _onigiri_ out of the refrigerator, setting it on the counter. His fox ears flattened to his skull as he thought over the afternoon's events once more.

And Hiei...what was Hiei doing here? Wasn't he in the Makai, staying with Mukuro? He vowed never to return to the human world again...so why did he come back?!

Kurama pondered this as he devoured one _onigiri_ after another. Fairly soon, he finished them as well. The lack of food brought the youkai out of his thoughts, and he growled slightly. This was getting tiresome...can't humans obtain an never-ending food source of some kind?!

He pushed the tray to the side as he rested his elbows on the counter, rubbing his temples. This day had not gone well at all. Well, more or less, this afternoon, when he had met up with Shuuichi. Speaking of which...

Kurama opened the closet door to find a curled-up Shuuichi, sleeping, his face damp from drying tears. Pity overthrew the youkai's anger, forcing him to bend down to the human's level and wipe away the remaining tears. Shuuichi automatically shrunk back at the abrupt touch, creating a gap between the long, slender fingers and his face. Kurama drew back his hand slightly, surprised that even in sleep, Shuuichi was still wary of the youkai. Was he scared of him?

Kurama reached out once more and caressed the side of the redhead's face. This second touch awoke Shuuichi, and the human glanced up towards the youkai with wide eyes.

"Come now, why that face?" the youkai asked softly, a smirk just barely visible upon his lips.

Shuuichi broke the gaze and said nothing, grabbing Kurama's hand as it was offered to him. The redhead used the steady hand of the youkai to balance himself as he struggled to get up from the cramped position he was in.

Unexpectedly, Shuuichi's knees gave out from the sudden dependency placed upon them, causing the redhead to lose his balance and stumble backwards a few steps. The youkai reached out and grabbed Shuuichi's free hand, preventing the human from completely falling. Shuuichi was grateful to Kurama for this, and was happy to find a steady support in the youkai's hands.

As he stood up, Shuuichi found himself pushed against the wall, Kurama's grasp relocating itself to the sides of his arms. The redhead flinched, expecting to be hit; Kurama noticed this, and chuckled softly, running a hand through locks of red hair.

"Now, now, Shuuichi, who do you take me for?" Kurama asked sardonically as his hand ran its course to the nape and stopped there. The youkai placed his lips upon the quivering ones of Shuuichi, and tilted the human's head further up, cradling it in his hand.

His other hand moved from Shuuichi's upper arm and possessively encircled the redhead's waist. The pleasurable sensation shot through Shuuichi's nerves, and he felt his knees weaken, causing him to slide down the wall. The hold around his waist tightened, and pulled him up some, steadying him.

Sensing the redhead's body loosening up, the youkai goaded the redhead's lips to part, which were more than willing to do so. He slipped his tongue inside the human's mouth, and teasingly played around.

Wanting to leave the human hungering for more, as well to keep him in his control, Kurama broke the playful kiss short and trailed his sweet kisses down to the delicate area of Shuuichi's neck. A soft gasp escaped the boy's lips as he closed his eyes, grasping the cloth of of the youkai's shirt for more balance, happily welcoming the pleasure that Kurama was giving him.

He liked this feeling, he liked it a lot. Not just the pleasure, mind you, but the feeling of being loved for who he was. _This_ was the Kurama he loved. _This_ was the Kurama he would stay for.

Shuuichi was brought back to the here-and-now by a small, but sharp, nip to his skin; he let out a soft yelp. But then he felt the hand that once cradled his neck move to cradle the side of his face, pushing his head against the youkai's, as in silent reassurance.

Don't worry, the gesture seemed to say, don't worry and trust me. Yield to me and give me all of you.

He felt the youkai's tongue lap up the small stream of blood, a sensual feeling that made his entire body shudder.

However, the youkai suddenly stopped, and rested his head upon Shuuichi's shoulder. The redhead started to wonder if something was wrong, but the firm hold of his head against Kurama's dispelled any and all concern: the youkai was merely taking time to enjoy the feeling of the human in his hold. He hadn't embraced the redhead like this in an eternity; it was definitely long-awaited.

Shuuichi's body involuntarily twitched with anticipation, and Kurama quietly laughed. Although he was taking pleasure in just holding the redhead close to him, he did admit that he unfairly teased Shuuichi's nerves immensely by stopping. It would be rude to leave business unfinished. He smirked.

He swiftly bent down and swept Shuuichi's knees out from underneath him, catching the surprised redhead in his arms. He carried him the short distance to the bed and tossed him gently onto it, climbing on the bed himself thereafter. He sat down, straddling Shuuichi's waist and starting to unbutton the redhead's shirt.

Shuuichi smiled. This was going to be a long night.

----------------

Japanese terms:

onigiri -- hand-rolled sushi


	9. Visitation, part 1

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

----------------

"_I whisper countless illusions into your ear_

_I'm_ _going to short your circuits and fix you_

_On top of the dirty sheets my five senses screamed out_

_Straddling over my face, the Venus_ _dances above me_

_Die Game."_

_-(translation) "N.p.s. N.g.s." by Malice Mizer_

Chapter 9: "Visitation, part 1"

The first break of day shone its light through the window, becoming filtered by half-opened curtains and faintly illuminating the room. The youkai's ears twitched ever so slightly as the fox demon stirred awake. His sharp eyes opened slowly, and his gaze glossed over his surroundings. The sky, he noticed, was still a greyish-blue, and it reminded the youkai of youthful memories.

He switched his gaze to the the figure lying quietly beside him, the red hair tossled from a night's sleep about the pillow. His soft breathing was the only sound audible, creating a tranquil ambiance, as the birds were not yet awake.

The youkai sighed. Apparently--he realized as he came further to--last night's sea of ecstacy had not completely calmed his nerves; visions of _that_ day still haunted him throughout his dreams.

Languidly, Kurama raised a hand to his face and kneaded his temples. He wearily laughed to himself. _So it seems you're still on my mind after all this...am I really that infatuated?_

_---_

"_You're a sick bastard, (censor)," the voice smirked._

_A laugh echoed throughout the halls. "What can I say? I'm a collector of sorts."_

---

The youkai sighed. Why was that event suddenly unearthed from deep within his labyrinth-like mind? What's in the past is in the past; there's nothing to do about it now.

Kurama rolled his eyes upward in exasperation and adjusted himself into a more comfortable position. The redhead muttered something in his sleep, his sleep slightly interrupted by the shift of weight, and snuggled closer to the warm body that was beside him. The youkai smiled, a little amused, and wrapped both arms around Shuuichi, bringing him close. A few more hours of sleep couldn't hurt.

v)(--)(v

It was nearly noon when Shuuichi woke. Sleepily he opened his eyes, only to force them closed from the sunlight that poured into the room. He turned to his side facing away from the window, and slowly opened his eyes once more, adjusting them gradually to the light.

And thus he lied.

Soon thereafter, however, he was accustomed to the day, and he rolled over onto his back, stretching his arms high towards the ceiling. His eyes glanced over to the clock, and he sighed. It really was late into the day; his body was overly tired from the unfamiliar sleeping schedule.

Lethargically, the redhead relocated his gaze once again to peer through his outstretched fingertips, his focus wearily shifting in and out.

His name was called from the hall as a knock on the door echoed throughout the room; it was Kurama, summoning him for lunch. Shuuichi glimpsed at the door, half expecting it to open. It never did. The sound of the youkai's footsteps diminished as he walked away, leaving Shuuichi to carry out the next move.

The redhead ran a hand through his tangled mess of hair, groaning as he tried to sit up. He untangled his feet from the sheets and swung them over the side, a shiver coursing throughout his body as he adapted to the cooler room temperature. He immediately wished that he was back in the bed. It was warm in there.

v)(--)(v

The door to the bedroom opened very slowly, and a half-asleep redhead peered out, his unfocused eyes glancing around. His body seemed to go through the door before it opened, creating a strange illusion. It was, however, only the redhead's lack of interest to consciously open the door himself; he would let his weight do it.

Oh, how he _hated_ this middle-ground state between the world of slumber and the world of complete consciousness. Small and lovely dream sprites seemed to be seductively calling him back to bed for a few more hours of "play," but the redhead's lack of food was a stronger beckon still. Longingly, Shuuichi peered behind him into the bedroom once more, but common sense forced him to walk to the table to eat.

However, something more still caught the redhead's attention. With curious eyes and cautious steps, Shuuichi walked to the door and bent down, picking up the mail that had been pushed through to the floor from a small slot on the door. He picked the items up and rose to his feet, looking over the return addresses.

It was truly a moment of social inexperience for the redhead. The mail usually came during school hours, and never on Sunday. During the past summer, when he had still lived with his mother and father, he was always either too busy or too social to be the one to sort the mail. But now...now this was new. He felt kind of foolish indeed for marveling at such an event, but still... A name suddenly made his sorting hand stop dead still: _Minamino_ _Shiori_.

_...Mother?_ he bent down and set the mail on the step that lead down to the door, and sat down himself as he opened the letter. After all, it _was_ addressed to him. As he pulled out the letter inside, a piece of paper fluttered down into his lap. He picked it up, reading it over, and his heart sunk. He read it twice, three times, but still, the words were the same each time.

A figure standing above him abruptly snatched the letter and paper away from the redhead's hands, then turning to walk away.

Shuuichi whisked around and stared after the youkai in disbelief. "_That's mine!"_ his mind screamed out, but he knew enough not to say something of that "disrespectful" caliber. Instead, after coursing a few phrases through his mind, he called out, "How long has Mother been sending money?"

Kurama stopped, and glanced over his shoulder towards the redhead, his eyes lacking of emotion. "Since the beginning of the school year," he answered impassively. "Since we've lived here. Twice a month."

Shuuichi grew utterly silent. "Twice a month?" he repeated quietly. "And for, what, five months?" Absolute horror appeared on his face. "Tell her to stop!" he pleaded. "Please tell her to stop! She needs that money for herself," he added softly.

Shuuichi scrambled up from the floor and clung to the youkai's arm, his eyes fixed in Kurama's. "Please tell her to stop," he begged.

"Idiot," Kurama muttered, shaking the redhead off his arm. "How else do you think we've been paying for your schooling, this apartment, our food?" he asked, his voice rising with intensity.

"I don't care," Shuuichi said, tears flowing from his eyes, his mind in a state of panic. "I care about her, Mother," he explained. He backed away slowly, lost in rambling thought. "I could get a job," he said, "I really could! Please, just think about Mother for once!"

A sharp strike to the face knocked Shuuichi to the ground, and his mind out of cluttered thinking.

"You selfish brat," Kurama snarled, teeth clenched. "Don't think you're the only that cares for Shiori." He threw the letter to the ground and walked over to the redhead, lifting his head off the floor by the nape of his neck.

"Don't you think I've tried? God, you never shut up, do you? I _have_ tried to make her stop, contrary to what your mortal mind can even begin to comprehend." He laughed. "She's just as stubborn as you are; now I see where you get it."

The youkai released the redhead and gathered the rest of the mail left on the step; drops of blood stained the white envelopes. He stood up and walked to the kitchen, tossing the letters on top of the counter to be dealt with later.

v)(--)(v

"Kurama--or, _Shuuichi_, whatever!" A fist banged the door from outside repeatedly. "Open up, it's Yusuke!"

Kurama groaned with annoyance, and set the rest of the dishes to the side. He glanced over towards the redhead, who, nodding with understanding, stood up and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

The youkai strolled over to the door and opened it to see a beaming Yusuke in front of him.

"Hey Kura--wow," he said, with a raised eyebrow, "you really _are_ Kurama now. What's with the change of appearance?"

The youkai shrugged. "I was getting bored, I guess."  
Yusuke shrugged as well. "Never hurts for some change every now and then, ne? So are you coming or not? I've heard Kuwabara has a new girlfriend, and it's _not_ Yukina." He grinned. "Come along then. ...You -are- going to do something about _those_, aren't you?" he asked, motioning to the ears.

Kurama smirked. "I'm not the one to be naïve, Yusuke."

The dark-haired boy laughed. "No," he said, "no I guess you wouldn't be. Come on!"

Kurama threw on his trenchcoat and his black cap, and followed Yusuke out of the door.


	10. Visitation, part 2

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

So wow. It's been almost two years. Surprised to see an update? I certainly am. Give thanks to my good friend Noelle who bit me with the fanfiction bug once more. I adore this story, and I have always planned to finish it. Which I will.

I have certainly matured in these past two years, along with my writing style, and I hope it shows. Enjoy.

Youko-sama

----------------

"_The sweet feeling of Immortality_

_I'll gourge myself with it till l hurl_

_As with this perverted Sentiment will_

_Gnaw away at your willing new lips_

_Such long, thick lashes_

_My beloved slave too_

_Everything! Everything!_

_His hair, his voice, will be mine soon_

_Hey, you want to hold me, don't you?_

_That's right, everything's been a bad dream_

_But I'll smash apart your past for you_

_So come here, dear, come to me my dear..."_

_-(translated) "Succubus" by Schwarz_ _Stein_

Chapter 10: "Visitation, part 2"

Shuuichi slunk down against the back of the closed door, his face buried into his knees, red locks sweeping around his shaking legs. He didn't believe what he was about to do next. He didn't. He couldn't.

His face lifted slightly, his eyes glazing over as he became lost in thought. He abruptly shook his head, obviously discarding an idea that he had formed. It would only create trouble. It would do more harm than good. It was forbidden_. Don't do it, don't._ The idea was, however, so appealing...

The redhead scrambled up off the floor, opened the door to the bedroom frantically and went to put on his shoes. He didn't have much time. He still denied to himself that he was actually doing this. He tugged on the last shoe and ran out the back door to the balcony.

-----

Yusuke looked at the fox demon inquisitively as the two walked down the sidewalk, his mouth forming a playful pout. "So why'd you move out?" he asked.

Kurama turned his head and looked down towards the black-haired boy. "One reason, really," he said, facing forward once more.

The youth playfully punched Kurama's arm. "Don't leave it off at there, you ass, tell me."

Kurama merely glanced towards Yusuke out of the corner of his eye. "You wouldn't value its worth even if I did. It never applied to you."

"Just tell me, damn it!"

Kurama stopped, and turned to Yusuke. The youth's attention was completely focused on the youkai's answer, eyes wide and anxious.

"It was better for... my studies." The fox demon raised an eyebrow. "Happy now?"

Yusuke tilted his head, dumbfounded. "But you don't go to school..."

Kurama poked Yusuke's forehead with a finger and pushed back, knocking the youth slightly off-balance. "Idiot," he said, an amused grin forming. "It wasn't for me. For my human side. Who else?"

A look of sudden revelation came upon Yusuke's face as the detail sunk in. "Oh. ...You know," he said, embarking on another train of thought, "your nails really hurt." He put a finger to the aching spot and checked for blood. "They're just like weapons," he added, as he stuck out his tongue.

The fox smirked. "As juvenile as ever, Yusuke," he noted, continuing to walk on. A glimmer of red caught his eye, and he abruptly stopped, glancing over his shoulder.

Yusuke stopped as well and began to look around. "What's wrong, Kurama?" he asked.

The youkai faced back around to the confused youth and smiled. "Nothing," he said. "I just thought I saw a dog off it's leash."

-----

The redhead panted heavily as he ran down the street, continuously surveying his surroundings.

_I've got to hurry_, he thought frantically. _This has to be quick_.

He finally arrived at a building complex and stopped in front of it. Heart pounding, he took a deep breath to calm his heaving chest, taking in the nostalgic sights and sounds. However, he knew he was limited in his stay, so he hurried up the stairs to an oh-so-familiar door and knocked.

A woman opened the door and smiled brightly when she saw the redhead, her face beaming with happiness. "Shuuichi," she said, starting to tear up, "how I've missed you so." She laughed a little as she wiped her tears. "I would have never thought that I'd miss you this much. Come in, come in; Father and your brother will be glad to see you again. How are your studies coming along?"

Shuuichi grinned at his mother, hardly hearing her. "Splendidly," he replied.

-----

"Oh, um, hi, Shizuru," Yusuke laughed nervously. "Is your brother home?"

The female psychic took a long drag on her cigarette and stepped aside, waving the two inside. "Yeah, sure, he's upstairs."

She nodded a greeting to Yusuke, and started to say, "Nice to see you again" to Kurama before she stopped short, watching the youkai pass in front of her into the house. "Kurama? You're..."

"Stunning? Gorgeous? A fox?" Kurama laughed as he took off his hat for Shizuru to take. "I merely became bored; needed to stretch my muscles, you know." He grinned and gave her a wink.

Shizuru coyly grinned at the demon. "That 'fox' attribute can be applied in more ways than one." She shook her head, smiling. "But yes, Kazuma's in his room. Studying. _Studying!_ Can you believe it?"

Yusuke laughed. "So how's his new girl?" he asked, nudging Shizuru with an elbow.

Shizuru shrugged. "Same old, same old. She's up there with him; he doesn't want to lose sight of her." She smiled in spite of her brother. "Now go on, I'll start up some tea."

The black-haired youth bounded up the stairs, Kurama following shortly—but more gracefully—after. Yusuke banged on Kuwabara's bedroom door, obnoxiously loud.

"Oi! Kuwa-_chaaaan_, open up!! You've got vistors! What a way to greet us, I'm ashamed! Didn't your sister ever tell you to—"

The door swung open to a glaring Kuwabara. "UREMESHI!! Some nerve you have!!! Could've broken my door, you know! A couple of knocks are fine, my god!"

Yusuke laughed as he patted his friend on the back. "Heard you were studying. New inspiration?"

"Trying to change the subject on me, eh? I'll have you know that—what's this?! Kurama? Is that you?" The curly redhead looked past his friend towards the youkai. "What's the, uh, what's the occasion?"

"Got bored," the fox said. "That's all."

"Uh huh..." Kuwabara mumbled, cautiously looking over the demon.

"So where's Moe-chan?" Yusuke asked, looking past Kuwabara into his room.

Kuwabara looked over his shoulder and let out a small shriek. "Moe-chan! Off the desk, I'm doing homework!"

He rushed over and picked up a small brown kitten from the books and papers, scolding her by tapping her nose.

Yusuke looked over towards Kurama. "Cute, ain't she?" he grinned.

The youkai looked back down towards the youth with a puzzled look. "That's his 'new girl'?" He glanced towards Kuwabara. "Urameshi mentioned a new _girlfriend_."

"WHAT?!" Kuwabara dropped Moe off on the bed and stormed toward the laughing Yusuke, picking him up by the collar. "Urameshi!! That's a new low!! You know that my only love is Yukina!!!"

Yusuke laughed as he easily unhooked Kuwabara's hands off his shirt. "I know, I know! She's your _eternal love_! I know!"

Kuwabara snorted. "Darn right she is. And don't you ever forget it."

"How can I when she's all he ever talks about?" Yusuke playfully muttered to Kurama. The fox grinned, which only flustered Kuwabara even more than before.

"Hey boys," Shizuru's voice called from downstairs. "Tea's ready, you want some?"

The three looked at each other and nodded in collective agreement. Kuwabara turned off his light and led the way, Yusuke and Kurama following him; the two cats brought up the rear.

-----

"So, Shuuichi," the redhead's stepfather started, "how's the independent life treating you?" He asked, taking a sip of his tea.

Shuuichi smiled politely, replying, "It's wonderful for my studies. But, of course,"—he looked at his mother—"I miss eating meals with everyone."

His mother beamed, delighted. "Well, you know that you're always welcome anytime, Shuuichi. Why is it that you don't visit more often?"

The redhead slightly paled and looked down towards his tea. "I'm sorry, Mother. It's just that I get so caught up in my studies that I forget about everything else."

"He sure is a diligent worker, isn't he?" Shuuichi's stepfather said, his chest puffed out and his voice filled with pride. "Oh, it's almost time to meet with some guys for work," he said suddenly, checking his watch. "We're going out for drinks tonight; I nearly forgot."

Shuuichi snapped his gaze to his stepfather."What time is it now?" he asked, becoming frantic.

His stepfather checked his watch, a bit confused. "Why it's... almost six. Ten 'til."

The redhead felt his heart sink, and he started to gather his things. _I've been here too long, I've been here too long!_

"Shuuichi, dear, whatever is the matter wrong?" the redhead's mother worridly asked.

Shuuichi looked up towards his mother and tried to reassure her. "It's nothing much, but I promised some friends that I would meet them. I don't want to be late."

"Oh... Well, we wouldn't want to keep you, now would we?" she replied, a bit downhearted.

"I'm really sorry," the redhead apologized, bowing profusely. "I'll come visit again!"

And with that he hurried out the door.

-----

Kurama finished his tea and gently set it on the table. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall of the kitchen: 5:40pm. "Well, friends," he said as he rose from the table. "I do believe that my human side has some studying to do."

Yusuke—his mouth stuffed with _onigiri_—nodded his head. "Yeah, sure," he managed to say.

Kurama looked towards Shizuru and smiled amiably. "The tea was delicious. Compliments to the chef," he said with a wink.

"You sly dog, Kurama," Shizuru smirked. "Go on, get out of here."

Kuwabara and Yusuke waved as Kurama said his goodbyes and left the house. He slowly walked down the street, taking his time.

-----

Relieved to find he was the only one home so far, Shuuichi quickly shook off his shoes and grabbed his bookbag, taking it into the bedroom. He unloaded his schoolbooks on top of his desk in their place he stuffed a pair of pants and a shirt. Breathing heavily, he hurried down the hallway and scurried into the bathroom. He quickly overturned the clothes hamper, dumping the clothes onto the floor, and tossed the bookbag into its bottom. He grabbed an armful of spilled shirts and pants and threw them back into the hamper, his heart all the while feeling like it was going to break free of its confines. He closed the hamper lid and sighed, leaning on the counter for support. His whole body shook, and in an effort to calm himself down, he splashed water onto his face.

No sooner had he wiped his face dry than the front door opened, and that familiar voice rang out. "_Tadaima_," it called.

Shuuichi stepped into the hallway and bowed slighty—enough to show respect—and returned the greeting. "_Okaeri nasai_." He lifted his head and held onto the doorframe of the bathroom. All these nerves were making him nauseous. He watched the youkai slip off his shoes, walk into the living room, and turn on the television with not even a glance at the redhead.

Maybe... he doesn't know? Shuuichi thought, wary of Kurama's seemingly odd behavior. Sensing it was safe to move, he walked across the hall into the kitchen. "...Have you eaten?" he asked as gathered a couple pots and cooking utensils.

There was a long pause before Kurama answered with a short, "No."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'll make dinner for both of us, then."


	11. Golden Week

Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in _italics_. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

A/N: For the curious, I drew up a floor plan of Shuuichi and Youko's apartment. The link to the image is in my profile, and I know certain things are missing, like a refrigerator, stove, and other appliances... including the front door. As for the front door, it's right beneath the foyer at the bottom of the page (where it logically should go), and as for the kitchen... well, it's not that important.

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Chapter 11: "Golden Week"

Shuuichi woke up with a delight in his heart and a grin on his face. _Golden Week!_ he thought as he stretched his arms long and hard. His favorite festival of the year had finally arrived, and although he would never admit it, he was ecstatic that he had the entire week free of school. Sure, he had go and help at his homeroom's _takoyaki _booth today—his shift starting at noon and ending at four—but until then, he had five whole hours to do absolutely nothing, and he loved every thought of it.

He pressed his palms to his eyes and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, sitting upright in bed. He pulled back the comforter and swung his legs of the edge, flexing his legs and stretching his toes. He reached towards the ceiling once more for good measure, and fought the urge to fall back on the bed and just stay there like a sloth. But satisfied that he was now fully alert, he stood up and walked into the hall.

Kurama was sitting on the couch, watching a news report on Golden Week with his arm resting on the back of the couch with a glass of wine in his hand. Shuuichi's good mood faltered; he hated when Kurama drank, especially this early in the morning. The youkai noticed his presence, and turned to face him. He toasted with his glass. "'Best holiday of the year,' right?"

Shuuichi's smile returned. "Right."

The redhead walked to the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around his silver-haired counterpart. He rested his cheek against Kurama's and reached for the glass of wine. "Mind if I take a sip?" he asked.

Kurama smirked as he relinquished the wine. "I thought you hated alcohol in the morning."

Shuuichi shrugged as he put the glass to his lips, taking a drink. "It's a special occasion," he replied as he returned the glass. "Golden Week is but once a year. Oh, have you eaten?"

The youkai nodded, but quickly added, "I saved some for you in the refrigerator."

Shuuichi stood up and went to retrieve his breakfast, but stopped short and turned around towards the couch. "Kurama... you remember that I have to help with my homeroom's booth today from noon to four, right?"

The silence that followed was uneasy, so he explained further. "We decided on making the takoyaki, and I'm sort of... expected... to be there..." he trailed off, becoming despondent.

"... I remember. Do what you wish."

The redhead smiled softly. "Thank you, Kurama. I really appreciate it."

At eleven-forty, after four hours of just lounging around the house like a slug (because how often did he get to do that?), Shuuichi gathered his things and walked into foyer. He slipped into his shoes and, peering into the living room where Kurama still sat, gave a hesitant "ittekimasu," as if the fox would change his mind and forbid him to leave. But instead, Kurama waved a short goodbye of sorts, continuing to focus his gaze towards the television. "Itterasshai," he replied as the redhead slipped out the door.

-----

"Kaitou!" Shuuichi called as he jogged towards his homeroom's booth, carrying a grin bright and wide.

The bespectacled youth with large, black hair turned towards the sound of his name, and waved, grinning as well. "Good to see you made it!"

Shuuichi laughed elatedly. "You don't know how good. Golden Week is the highlight of the year." He looked over the takoyaki stall. The girls' artwork of a cartoon octopus was skillfully done, certainly giving it character; it was sure to attract attention.

One of his classmates noticed his scrutinizing glance, and she ran around to the front of the stall. She blushed slightly and asked, "How do you like it? I helped design it."

The redhead turned to the girl and flashed his lady-killer smile (a technique picked up from Kurama). "It's wonderful."

The girl squealed in delight and ran back behind the booth to meet her group of friends—squealing as well—and gossip fervently.

Kaitou laughed, taking off his glasses to clean them on his shirt. "You must teach me your tricks someday, Shuuichi," he said as he slid his glasses back on.

A little surprised, Shuuichi shook his head. "As if there are any _tricks_ to such things."

Kaitou gasped in mock astonishment and placed his hand on the redhead's shoulder. "So then your talent with the ladies is natural? You're too modest; I'm extraordinarily jealous!"

Shuuichi brushed off his friend's hand in good humor. "To return to the reason we're here, how can I help?"

The two boys walked behind the takoyaki booth—inadvertently chasing away the group of girls—and Kaitou started to show Shuuichi the ropes. The redhead quickly picked up the technique of roasting the octopus balls to perfection and was soon laughing and joking around with the rest of his homeroom. He couldn't remember the last time he had this much fun, no less at school, a place he typically associated with learning and exams.

At about two in the afternoon, Yusuke stopped by with Kuwabara and Keiko in tow. Yusuke and Kuwabara combined helped the fundraiser the most out of the day's sales, as they had taken to holding a takoyaki-eating contest, much to Keiko's disgust. They wolfed down 3,000 yen worth of octopus balls each, and Shuuichi finally had to refuse them any more food, chastising them that there had to be enough takoyaki to last them the rest of the day.

"As much as we appreciate your willing patronage," Shuuichi told them in a mock-serious tone, "I'm afraid you both eat too much for your own good."

"Nonsense!" Yusuke mumbled, mouth stuffed with food. "You can never eat too much."

Keiko rolled her eyes. "The things I have to deal with. You act like you've been starved your entire life! Maybe I should check out the other booths... there's a fish catching game over there with a good-looking guy that looks very sensible, indeed."

She had nearly put a twenty-foot distance between herself and Yusuke before he caught on, and chased her down.

"Too bad I couldn't bring Moe with me," Kuwabara sighed as he gazed towards the fishing game. "She has such sharp claws that for sure I'd win with her on my team!"

This brought a confused look to Shuuichi's face. "'Moe'?"

Kuwabara looked at Shuuichi, confused as well. "Yeah, you know, Moe. My new cat? You just met her yesterday."

"Oh, gods," Shuuichi said, realizing. "I'm sorry Kuwabara, I'm really out of it today. How could I have forgotten?"

"No, no, that's fine! I completely understand. You only saw her for five minutes, anyway, so I can understand. You'll just have to come back over and get reacquainted... officially!" the gruff youth grinned. "Now..." he said, eyeing the takoyaki once more, "what's say I get three more, you know, so I can beat Urameshi at his own game and all."

Shuuichi smiled, shaking his head. "Sure, why not."

Yusuke glimpsed the transaction out of the corner of his eye, and yelled. "Hey! You cheater!"

Kuwabara's smile stretched from ear to ear, and he popped all three octopus balls in his mouth at once. "Ta-da, I win."

-----

Shuuichi stepped through the door at promptly four o'clock. "Tadaima," he called out, a smile still on his face from the day's activities.

"Okaeri," Kurama called back.

The redhead took off his shoes and neatly laid them on the steps of the foyer, stepping into the hallway. Kurama was in the kitchen, preparing dinner. The smell of meat and vegetables hung in the air, and it made Shuuichi's stomach growl. "It, uh, it smells good. ... Really good," he said, trying to initiate conversation. But the attempt failed, and he resigned his efforts, collapsing onto the couch. He flipped through the channels on the television, but found nothing interesting. He finally settled on the local news, and closed his eyes. Twenty minutes later, he was called to the table, and the two ate in near silence. It was another awkward meal, and Shuuichi couldn't help wonder if his counterpart was sulking. The dinner itself was sublime, but the thick tension ruined the atmosphere, and Shuuichi excused himself to retire to bed early.

_Damn it,_ the redhead thought as he slipped in between the sheets. _I've done something wrong._

The next two hours were a dreamless sleep, and he suddenly woke up with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He felt nauseous, but that was impossible... he had never gotten sick before, so why now? But all doubts soon turned to confirmation as the feeling persisted and grew. Eyes wide in horrific realization, the redhead leapt out bed and staggered towards the bathroom, suddenly disoriented.

_Shit._

Shuuichi knelt at the basin, his stomach almost immediately emptying itself of the day's prior meals. Beads of sweat formed on the redhead's body as he shuddered with a sudden chill, running both hands through his hair in misery. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the tank, the cool porcelain feeling wonderfully sublime against his burning skin. He gave a dark chuckle, his laugh sliding into a groan. "So this is what the stomach flu involves," he sneered.

Pulling his head away from the tank, he adjusted his position to where he sat on the ground, elbows propped on the rim of the bowl. It wasn't a large improvement, but it was better than before, and as he figured it: he was going to be here a while. His abdomen screamed in agony, and he, not able to bear it, pressed his palms onto his eyes and started to cry, frustrated. Without warning, his stomach gave a violent slam, and he retched once more.

Kurama appeared in the doorway, a mixed look of disgust and pity upon his face; in his hand he held a wet, white hand towel, folded into a rectangle. He stepped into the bathroom and stood next to the sobbing redhead. "Poor child," he said sadly, getting on one knee and placing an arm around Shuuichi's shoulders, the cloth against his forehead. The youkai gently wiped the damp cloth along the youth's temples, cheeks, and neck, the tears hard to distinguish from the sweat.

"Thank you," Shuuichi breathed, his voice quiet and subdued. He opened his eyes but immediately regretted it as the room started to spin, and he lurched out of Kurama's grasp towards the bowl.

Kurama continued to unhurriedly press the damp cloth against Shuuichi's scorching face, trying to diminish the fever. Periodically, he gave him sips of cool water, but just enough to wet the redhead's parched mouth; too much, and the heaving would be aggravated. It neared three in the morning when Kurama deemed this little episode pacified and over. He wiped the youth's face once more, and gently scooped the sleeping redhead into his arms. Shuuichi was exhausted; he had even taken up napping in between bouts, the longest nod lasting only thirty minutes.

The youkai carefully carried his protégé into the living room and laid him on the couch. He then went into the bedroom and yanked the comforter from off the bed, promptly spreading it over Shuuichi's shivering body. Retrieving the damp cloth from the bathroom, he rinsed it and squeezed out the extra water. Kurama placed the back of his hand against Shuuichi's cheek, and, noting it was still hot with fever, rested the towel across the youth's forehead.

_I suppose I'm to blame for this,_ Kurama smiled grimly. "You've never experienced a sickness before," he said out loud and he sat on the floor with his back resting against the couch. "My presence had always barred such a weakened human state, but now... I've left you defenseless." He turned to look the redhead, still sleeping. He gave a half-smile. "What a way to start your favorite week."

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Japanese terms:

_Takoyaki_ – fried octopus balls


End file.
